Trawling the N.F.L.’s Bargain Basement - Ingles

Smart shoppers know that the remainder bin always contains bargains, assuming one is not too picky about quality. That is also true on the N.F.L. free-agent market.

The Indianapolis Colts, nervous about Peyton Manning’s health for their season opener Sept. 11, and about the readiness of his backups Curtis Painter and Dan Orlovsky, coaxed Kerry Collins out of retirement Wednesday. Collins, who is now so gray and grizzled that he resembles Richard Crenna in the Rambo movies, may think that backing up Manning is just like retirement, but these are unusual circumstances.

Manning, who has started 208 consecutive regular-season games, had off-season neck surgery. He said he was optimistic about being ready for Week 1, but he has always taken the Soviet premier approach to inquiries about his health. (Nyet! It is just a head cold!) Collins must be ready to play the opener at Houston, because Manning may not be, and neither Painter nor Orlovsky (who combined for four interceptions in two preseason games) ever will be.

Collins and Bill Polian, the Colts’ vice chairman, share a history. Polian drafted Collins in 1995, when Collins was fresh out of Penn State and Polian was the Panthers’ general manager and the president of the Steely Dan fan club. Polian has become one of the most successful, polarizing and all-around grooviest executives in the N.F.L., while Collins spent the last half decade following Vince Young across Tennessee with a dustpan and a broom.

Manning and Collins have combined for 95,269 passing yards, which is a little more than 54 miles. Collins, 38, cost the Colts $4 million, which is a lot of money to spend on a quarterback whose odometer has turned over more than once.

Left tackle Bryant McKinnie’s career with the Minnesota Vikings ended when he arrived at training camp in July weighing 386 pounds. One month and presumably a few trips to the steam room later, McKinnie signed a two-year deal with Baltimore. The Ravens are listing McKinnie at 345 pounds, which means McKinnie lost the equivalent of a midsize Labrador retriever in a few weeks, or the Ravens are conducting weigh-ins on an elevator that is heading down. McKinnie is penciled in as the starter at left tackle and will also serve as one of the Jersey barriers for the Baltimore Grand Prix.

The Miami Dolphins, needing some depth behind Reggie Bush and the rookie Daniel Thomas, signed Larry Johnson, who carried 5 times for 2 yards for Washington last season. Johnson is 31, has not had a 1,000-yard season since 2006 and has not scored a touchdown since 2008. In other words, he has been saving himself for just this opportunity.

“I still feel fresher than some of the guys in the N.F.L.,” Johnson told sun-sentinel.com. When purchasing perishables at discount stores, it is best to double-check the expiration date.

Johnson also said that he provided “old-school toughness” to the Dolphins, and they surely needed it. Bush is well-known for his petite cabriole approach to rushing, and Thomas has also come under criticism from Coach Tony Sparano. “He was telling me I need to get in there and stop tippy-toeing,” Thomas told The Miami Herald.

Johnson may be old, slow and worn down, but he is never sur les pointes.

When you think of football teams that are likely to shop at thrift stores, the Buffalo Bills leap instantly to mind. All their years of bargain hunting have made them the “American Pickers” of the waiver wire. While other teams came away with the worn-out likes of Johnson and Collins, the Bills found linebacker Kirk Morrison, who is relatively young (29) and extremely reliable (never missed a game in seven seasons). Morrison was the kind of player who was flying off the free-agent shelves at the beginning of August, yet he was somehow overlooked. Maybe he was standing behind McKinnie.

You can save a lot of money by purchasing reconditioned auto parts. Denver Broncos running back Willis McGahee may have to visit the junkyard after quarterback Kyle Orton cracked the windshield of McGahee’s Porsche with an errant pass. McGahee inspected the damage and said he needed a new car anyway; the Porsche’s agent said that his client would not go anywhere with an injury settlement. The Broncos may want to relocate their player parking until they find more accurate quarterbacks.

After increasing McGahee’s insurance deductible, Orton rushed from practice to join his wife, who soon gave birth to their first child. McGahee could probably have driven Orton to the hospital faster in his Porsche if not for the windshield incident.

One of the joys of thrift-store shopping is diving into the $3.99 CD bin, searching for lost classics from the 1980s. The New England Patriots did that one better by inviting Jon Bon Jovi to training camp. Bill Belichick and Bon Jovi are old friends, unlikely as that seems. If Chad Ochocinco, Albert Haynesworth and Rex Ryan combine to give Belichick a headache, Bon Jovi can always sing a few bars of “Have a Nice Day” to make everything better.

Seattle Seahawks Coach Pete Carroll allows his players to select songs at practice, then Tweets their choices. Marshawn Lynch’s Wednesday jam was “U Can’t Touch This.” If the image of Belichick and Bon Jovi jamming does not blow your mind, the thought of Carroll and Lynch doing M. C. Hammer’s Running Man dance surely will.

The former Kansas City quarterback Brodie Croyle is the kind of quarterback you expect to find at a late-camp rummage sale: he has an 0-10 career record as a starter and somehow managed to throw an interception and be sacked four times in 19 pass attempts for the Chiefs last season.

Croyle resurfaced last week with the Arizona Cardinals, who needed an extra arm badly after the backup Max Hall separated his shoulder and John Skelton sprained his ankle. Kevin Kolb, the starter, is healthy, but he must be careful after running afoul of the local fauna in Flagstaff. On Wednesday, he nearly ran over a skunk with his Segway while riding back from practice. Had the skunk felt threatened, Kolb would have become one of the N.F.L. players who is not as fresh as Larry Johnson.

Skunks beware: Kolb and Croyle are skilled hunters and outdoorsman. Still, the Cardinals may have cautioned their quarterbacks not to chase roadrunners around the desert on their Segways. The risk of crashing into a coyote on a rocket sled is high. (source New York Times)